March 2011
1 post
“…It usually only happens when I drink a case of beer.”
– Dan Chaon, on the losing track of time
April 2010
1 post
On Oral Sex During Menstruation
Bryn: You still need something to catch the blood with.
Jeff: That's why you grow a beard.
March 2010
1 post
“Infinity is a strapping black man with a twelve-inch penis.”
– Peder Davis
January 2010
2 posts
Kira Fath: What are you?
William Hoffman: I am all that is wrong with modern America.
“That’s fantastic! And by ‘fantastic,’ I mean...”
– Justin Murphy-Mancini
November 2009
1 post
“Mike on a Bike, your thighs are glorious.”
– Michael Bricker
October 2009
3 posts
“We are Baroque bffls. We’re Ba-bffls. We share a special filigreed bond.”
– Justin Murphy-Mancini, on his bromance with Jonnytron Zero.
Julie: Why are you on me?
Justin: Put. Out.
“Julie’s phone is like her clitoris: you’re not allowed to touch it...”
– Katy McGehee
“I don’t speak good anything!”
– Zoë McLaughlin
September 2009
7 posts
Peder Davis: Hey Lucas, wanna have wild sex party?
Lucas Perlee: No, I'm sorry, I have to learn Python.
1 tag
“Aang looks like a white kid with cancer.”
– A. Ogilvy
“It’s a Mace Penis.”
– Totally awesome sci-fi freshman, Kira
5 tags
“Ninja pirate vs. Cannibal Viking = infinite win.”
– New sci-fi freshman, William
“It’s not shading; it’s pants.”
– Stephen Burrows
“I finally found a gay best friend!”
– Anonymous Hipster
May 2009
7 posts
“I think it’s incredibly pretentious to call something you made a piece of...”
– Hipster
“She makes me want to hurt puppies…”
– Julie Lopresto, on her arch-foe
“What a drag.”
– on friction in Physics
“It makes things easy, in a lot of ways.”
– Chloë Dalby, on whipped cream
“I like sushi cheesecake!”
– Jiayu Lin
“She was bear-hunting in the shower!”
– Julie, on Mirriam’s personal hygeine habits
“I think about death a lot when I get horny.”
– Elspeth Saylor on thoughts while under the influence of the body.
“Cunt of Christ!”
– Patrick (the ever-magnificent) Webster
April 2009
30 posts
“Bitch, please, I had fucking spaghettios.”
– Rachel Sciulli, on being more ghetto than you
“I am a weekend heterosexual.”
– Patrick Webster (is wonderful)
“And when two people love each other very much, they should bake something.”
– Brittany Brahn
“Wait, what is that coming out from between the legs there?!”
– Elspeth Saylor
2 tags
“Wait… Pokémon are just coming out of your pocket!”
– Julie (@_spoink), to Jeff (@spiritomb)
Brittany: Don't touch my boob!
Julie: I didn't, I touched your thing!
“You have an entire hour of rabbitude.”
– Miriam!
“She looks fucking obnoxious, but at the same time I’d totally tap that.”
– Alex Ogilvy, on fucking a fucking scene kid
“Patience is not a virtue; patience is a trained ninja skill.”
– Daniella Sanchez
“Mom, I’m not gay, I just use Linux.”
– Mike Rauscher
“I put my PS2 in the microwave and wound up in the future.”
– Lounge on time travel.
“Also, if you lose your pearl, then you are Emo Pig!”
– Abby on Spoink’s inability to walk.
“I am a manly man, as I say with my balls smashed into a piece of foam.”
– Mike Rauscher on unicycles (literally)
“Just because there is a goalie in the net, doesn’t mean you can’t...”
– Hae-Young Chung, wise philosophical words on relationships
“They are supposed to explode when in water. If they do then they are good and...”
– Julie Lopresto!
“Oh my nippy wippies!”
– Ethan Ranis during a discussion of oddly shaped nipples.
“I have hair and it is hair. I made sure while I was in the bathroom.”
– Rachel Sciulli on hair.
“My penis is not sharp. That would be blunt force trauma.”
– Alex O. on the ability to shank with one’s member.
“…And that produces shit tons. Yes, that is a scientific term.”
– Physics professor, on nuclear waste
“So three drag queens walk into a McDonald’s. (Laughter from listeners.)...”
– Alex O.
“My little sister chugs better than that. And she was a miscarriage.”
– Max Feldschuh
“The Naia q was found to fancy party and was even bat girl, with the right shade...”
– Fernando Lins, as translated by Google and read by Jonas Wisser
On orgies with lots of yourself
Jonas Wisser: Look, I just don't go for people who look like me. I'm not into somewhat heavyset two-hundred-pound six-foot-tall men with a tendency not to shave!
Elspeth Saylor: …
Elspeth Saylor: …
Elspeth Saylor: …
Elspeth Saylor: I can see that.
“So that’s why I have a beard. With it, I’m happy and jolly, without...”
– Max Feldschuh
“You’re so gay. You ARE. You LIKE MEN.”
– Amanda Turner, to jwisser, after he sang several bars of Never Gonna Give You Up.
“It could just be a matter of getting into a pleasant rhythm and enjoying it.”
– Sturdy Knight on the crafting of more complex stone tools by hominids.