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"…It usually only happens when I drink a case of beer."
Dan Chaon, on the losing track of time
"Infinity is a strapping black man with a twelve-inch penis."
Peder Davis
"That’s fantastic! And by ‘fantastic,’ I mean ‘racist’."
Justin Murphy-Mancini
"Mike on a Bike, your thighs are glorious."
Michael Bricker
"We are Baroque bffls. We’re Ba-bffls. We share a special filigreed bond."
Justin Murphy-Mancini, on his bromance with Jonnytron Zero.
"Julie’s phone is like her clitoris: you’re not allowed to touch it unless she says so, and only for a short time."
Katy McGehee
"I don’t speak good anything!"
Zoë McLaughlin
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